Christy's Page

Excerpt
Condom Questions
Back out on the street, it is still light out, only being around four in the evening. I make my way to the right for two blocks and then hang a left. The desk clerk has assured me there is shopping in that general area. I know I cannot use my credit card. That is how the police tracked the killer on the CSI show. If I use my credit card, they will find me. I need to get some sunglasses so people cannot see my eyes, that way they cannot identify me when the police circulate my picture. I will just use the cash he gave me and not feel guilty. Whoring is not easy. It is not assisted by naturally occurring paranoia either.
As I walk, my mind is working furiously asking me questions. Am I supposed to sleep with him tonight? I really want to, but that seems so sluttish. What are the rules nowadays? When I was dating Robert, it was quite a while before we did anything other than kiss or cop an occasional feel. My best friend Kadijah, the curser from my youth, has a time schedule. Before she will allow a kiss, they have to have two dates. After two months, touching starts. Everything else comes after six months.
He and I do not have six months. We only have two weeks. I am ready to give him a titty touch just for the smile he gave me. Unfortunately, I recall my titties are not much to touch. It would have spoiled the moment. Whom do you ask about this? I cannot call any of my single friends because I do not want them to know I ran away.
By the way, should I buy condoms? Who has the responsibility for that? I am so out of date. Then, who puts it on? Shit, when I was younger, this was not an issue. Why didn’t I meet him 30 years ago? I remember telling the children to use condoms and the whole safe sex talk. I sure as hell did not know what I was talking about in my sex talk. I am glad they did not ask any questions.
I see and enter a huge pharmacy. I decide I will get some condoms in various sizes, just in case. I quietly ask a worker where I can find these items. “Condoms are in aisle twelve at the end on the left side,” he shouts. Everyone in the store is now looking toward the front. I look even more conspicuous walking quickly toward the back. Bastard, he does not know the meaning of the word discretion.
I make it to aisle twelve without incident. What the hell is this? They have more types of condoms than grocery stores have candy. They have ribbed condoms, lubricated (with and without spermicidal) condoms, and lambskin condoms. What do you do with that? I do not want lambskin in my nether regions. Look at that, they have flavored condoms. If you eat the condom, doesn’t that defeat the purpose? Glow in the dark and colored condoms. Do white men use these to imitate black guys and vice versa? Does it really matter what color it is? You will not be able to see it once it gets inside. Maybe each color feels different.
Ultra sensitive or non-latex. Hmmm, maybe I should get those in case he is allergic to latex. If his parts swell up, he would probably be pissed. My sister is allergic to latex; her hands get welts and swell just from touching it. What if I am allergic to latex? My vagina would swell up and we would have to go to the emergency room. They will have to call in specialists to separate us. The hospital will call my insurance company. The insurance company will need to tell the hospital if they cover vaginal separation or penis removal from a vagina. That will make the news. Everybody will see me. They will know that I am not in Great Britain. I will be in a hospital in New York with a swollen vagina that some stranger on a plane can not get his penis out of because of a latex allergy. Okay, no latex.
I could get ‘his pleasure’ or ‘her pleasure’ or the kind that heat. I do not think I want heat in my nether regions either. I mean what if my “area” starts burning. I know that is what happens if you have a venereal disease, so that does not sound like something I would want. And that is not even all of the condoms. Maybe I should not get condoms. What if he wants to get a little bit? Damn, I would like to get a little bit a lot of times, but now that I am here, it does not seem like such a good idea. I wonder if I can catch up with the tour.
We should have had the sex talk. How would I start it the conversation? “Excuse me Mr. Man on the Plane that I just met. Since I am coming on this journey, do you expect to have your way with me? Can I have my way with you? Just to clarify, who is the one responsible for getting condoms?”
Maybe he is one of those people that do not use condoms. My daughters would know the protocol, but I do not have a clue. I think I saw a show where the condoms are in the nightstand drawer beside the woman’s bed. I do not know why they went to her house to have sex, but I am out of touch.
Okay, I am getting some damn condoms and putting them under the pillow. At the appropriate time, I will just pull it out. I am sure he will know the drill. What size would I get anyway? Maybe I should get all sizes, just in case. I should have copped a feel so I am not too disappointed. I probably could have felt him up on the plane. I remember seeing on the Discovery Channel or reading that feeling a penis while it is at rest can be deceiving. If a penis feels very big regularly, it does not have any room to grow when the penis gets excited. A strategically placed blanket on the plane and voila! I would not be having this conversation with myself now.
Who am I kidding? If he had put a blanket over his lap, I would not have touched him. I am not a toucher, but I love to be touched. I am starting to get angry that he put me in this position. He should he have been much more specific about what to buy with the money. “Buy some things”. That is not any type of real communication. We are already having communication problems and we have not been together a full day. I could have stayed home for this shit. I leave the store angry at my own stupidity and his inability to be clear in his instructions. I also leave condomless.